2020 might seem like a dumpster fire that we’ll be happy to slowly stroll away from as soon as the calendar hits 2021. Seriously, we don’t even care if it’s still smoldering, we are getting as far away from this turmoil-filled, COVID-centric, Trump-ified year. There wasn’t a whole lot to laugh about this year, but somehow there were enough stories to make a top 20 funniest news stories of 2020. Check them all out below and try to forget about the most awful year we’re about to leave behind us.
Photo Credit: @emily.ghoul on Instagram
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Ranked! 20 funniest news stories of 2020
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20. I Won’t Be Back: Arnold Schwarzenegger Leaves Gym Over No Face Mask Policy
You’d think celebrities wouldn’t give AF about this because surely they can work out in their own home gyms, but you’d be wrong. Apparently, Arnold Schwarzenegger was among exercise enthusiasts eager to get back in the gym – but not for long.
Read more here.
Photo: Isabel Infantes – PA Images / Contributor (Getty Images)
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19. Instagram Influencer Finally Fails to Convince People They’re Enjoying Their Travels
Just look at Instagram influencer Jessica Jones (not her real name), who decided to flout all the warnings about traveling during the coronavirus outbreak. On a recent trip to Italy, she posed in front of empty café tables in the abandoned St. Mark’s Square.
Read more here.
Photo: Igor Ustynskyy (Getty Images)
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18. Woman Sues Boyfriend For Not Proposing After 8 Years, Fails to Take the Hint From a Guy Clearly Worth Marrying
If you’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and you’ve never proposed that probably means you’re not going to. One woman couldn’t see the facts in front of her. That’s why she decided to sue her boyfriend because of his lack of commitment.
Read more here.
Photo: Christian Thomas (Getty Images)
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17. Woman Arrested for Stealing Car, Claims She’s Beyoncé, Wouldn’t Have Happened ‘If I Was A Boy’
A woman told a police officer that she was Beyoncé Knowles — you know, the Grammy Award-winning, multi-platinum recording artist who also happens to be married to Jay-Z and is the matriarch of an entire empire (state of mind).
Read more here.
Photo: Jeremy Woodhouse (Getty Images)
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16. People With Depression Get Pills For Erectile Dysfunction in Prescription Mix-Up, Adding Endless Boners to Injury
The holiday season can be a depressing time for many. But a mix up from pharmaceutical distributor AvKARE didn’t help these people in December. That’s because, instead of depression medication, some people got boner pills.
Read more here.
Photo: rclassenlayouts (Getty Images)
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15. Motorcycling Monkey Tries to Steal Kid, Most Unlikely Biker Gang Initiation Yet
This one is pretty unique to say the least. A monkey on a tiny bicycle drove up to a group of children, punched a baby, tried to drag it away, and then ran off. That pretty much sums up 2020.
Read more here.
Photo: Theo Allofs (Getty Images)
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14. Chips Ahoy Creates Sour Patch Kids Cookies Because Who Gives a Damn at This Point
All in all, we’re feeling a little loopy and not acting like ourselves. Perhaps this strange environment is to blame for the new cookies coming from Chips Ahoy.
Read more here.
Photo: Mat Hayward (Getty Images)
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13. TSA Finds 'Like 20 Bags' of Flamin' Hot Cheetos in Woman's Luggage, Claims It's Not Easy Being Cheesy
Recently, a woman named Emily Mei was stopped by TSA officers at the Los Angeles International Airport for having suspicious cargo in her luggage. But it was not drugs or weapons or weird sex toys that sparked the suspicion. It was “like 20 bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.”
Read more here.
Photo: @emily.ghoul on Instagram
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12. City Official Resigns After Drinking Beer and Throwing Cat During Zoom Meeting, But What Else Are We Supposed to Do?
For the most part, the Zoom meeting was as typical as one can be (i.e. boring AF), but one man decided to liven up the call by introducing his cat…and then subsequently tossing it aside.
Read more here.
Photo: Lydie Gigerichova (Getty Images)
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11. San Jose Police Fire Rubber Bullets at Their Own Trainer, Rupturing His Testicle (That’s Nuts)
A trainer was shot with rubber bullets by a San Jose Police Officer during what was supposed to be a peaceful protest. Adding injury to insult, the officer aimed squarely for his groin.
Read more here.
Photo: MediaNews Group/The Mercury News via Getty Images / Contributor (Getty Images)
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10. Cow Emerges From Ocean, OK Seriously What the Hell Is This Year?
Speculate all you want about what the bovine was doing frolicking in the waves far away (we assume) from any sort of farm land. Even your wildest guess is probably not far off from the truth because, man, 2020 is so many kinds of crazy nothing surprises us anymore.
Read more here.
Photo: @fuckjerry (Instagram)
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9. Michigan Library Wants People To Stop Microwaving Books, Please and Thank You
You might be wondering why exactly someone would microwave a library book. But, if you take away any concept of science and merely jump to strange conclusions in an attempt to stay virus-free, it seems like it might work.
Read more here.
Photo: PM Images (Getty Images)
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8. High-Speed Chase Ends with Dog Getting Pulled Over, Owner Says He Was ‘Teaching it to Drive’
Eventually, police grew tired of the chase and threw down a spike strip, stopping the car and ending the pursuit. But as they approached the vehicle, they noticed that something was off. The driver was, in fact, a pit bull.
Read more here.
Photo: Jessica Lipki (Getty Images)
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7. Calvin Klein Releases Gender Neutral Fragrance, Likely Smells Like Water and Conformity
A genderless scent isn’t a new idea, but we’re glad to see the designer believes in recycling. For those too young to remember, Calvin Klein introduced the first “unisex” scent in 1994.
Read more here.
Photo: Calvin Klein
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6. Woman’s Butthole Is a Business Page, But Facebook Is the Real A-Hole for Not Taking It Down
In 2012, a business page entitled “Samantha Rae Anna Jespersen’s Butthole” was created, when Jespersen herself was just 15 years old. Now, she’s 23 and the joke isn’t funny anymore.
Read more here.
Photo: Buzzfeed
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5. Amazon Selling Weird Sex T-Shirts to Children (Again)
Amazon removed a previous scandalous product after public outcry (they’re never actually, ya know, preemptive) but it seems though they have yet to learn an actual lesson.
Read more here.
Photo: Amazon
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4. Boss Working From Home Gives New Meaning to the Term ‘Couch Potato’ During Video Conference
You could be like the lady who was on a Microsoft Teams video conference with her employees and accidentally engaged a filter that turned her into a potato…and then couldn’t figure out how to turn it off.
Read more here.
Photo: Lizet Ocamp Twitter
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3. Make America Horny Again: Sex Shop Gives Away Patriotic Vibrators to Encourage Voter Participation
Billy McWilliams of Erotique adult store in Bozeman wants to “make America orgasm again.” That’s why he’s giving away 2,200 bullet vibrators valued around $12.95 each in a promotion called The Great American Orgasm.
Read more here.
Photo: SWNS
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2. News Anchor Accidentally Says Another Member of White House Tests Positive For Cocaine, Well He May Not Be Wrong
A news anchor had the flub of the year when he said, “Another member of Donald Trump’s inner circle testing positive for cocaine.” While that seems likely, he actually meant to say COVID. That’s a Freudian slip if we’ve ever heard one.
Read more here.
Photo: NY1
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1. Typo Gets This Holiday Event Turnt, Don't Miss Out on This Year's 'Sit on Satan’s Lap Fundraiser'
In New Mexico, an art collective made a mistake when preparing for their coronavirus pandemic relief event. Instead of “Sit on Santa’s Lap,” somebody typed, “Sit on Satan’s Lap.”
Read more here.
Photo: Facebook
