New Studded Condom Ensures Every Woman Gets a Stud by Technicality, We’re Just Happy to Put It On Correctly After a Year Off

Nothing in post-quarantine life is certain except sex and tacos. With “Vaccinated and DTF” t-shirts selling like hotcakes, people are literally wearing their horniness on their sleeves. But while vaccination may protect you from the ill effects of Covid, it won’t do much for viruses of the sexually transmitted kind.

Luckily, while the pandemic has been a bumpy road for all, condom companies haven’t been asleep at the wheel. SKYN, the #1 non-latex johnny makers are introducing a brand new schlong sheath that’s turning every guy into a stud by technicality. Wait, what?

‘Excitation’, the newest addition to SKYN’s line of snuggly companions features a unique wave design with stimulating studs guaranteed to shake the cobwebs off your bed knobs and broomstick. Built with a cooling, long-lasting lubricant, the extrasensory experience is the perfect re-entry to life in the bedroom.

If you’ve been seriously socially distancing over the past year, then dating has been a slippery slope to loneliness. Thankfully, now that there’s light on the Covid horizon, the long night of isolation-induced despondency is coming to an end. But like a man returning from space (or a trip to Trader Joe’s), it’s always better to come back with a treat in hand (like miniature chocolate chip cookies or a sweet spangled condom).

To finish with a baseball metaphor (as all sex pep talks do), SKYN’s new post-quarantine studded prophylactic is a hard-swinging, walk-off home run. And when it comes to great condom design we’ve always been a firm believer in the Field of Dreams approach: If you build it, they will come.

Cover Photo: Jacob Wackerhausen (Getty Images)

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