Meanwhile in Florida: Police Respond to Neighbors’ 911 For Screaming Woman, Turns Out to Be Parrot Sick of Cracker Life

Florida neighbors dialed 911 when they heard a woman screaming for help in the quiet suburb of Lake Worth Beach on a recent Sunday. Though it was a balmy afternoon, distressing cries of “Help! Help! Let me out!” were bone-chilling enough to raise several concerned neighbors out of their houses. But when deputies arrived on the scene, no woman could be found. Instead, they discovered a bearded man in shorts reclining on the porch. The man admitted that there had been screams and offered to “bring the screamer to ya.”

Moments later, he returned with Rambo, a 40-year-old parrot who, sick of the same old snacks, had demanded to go to Whole Foods for a grocery run. The man had refused, citing the cupboard of premium oyster crackers that still needed finishing. Upon spotting the officers, Rambo let fly a plea of “Somebody help! Help me! I have rights” but seeing as how Rambo had no inalienable rights, Florida authorities were forced to leave him with nothing but a packet of Saltines. Whether it really was just a spoiled bird acting out or the perfect cover for a kidnapping remains to be seen.

Photo: Terry Friedman / EyeEm (Getty Images)

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