Meanwhile in Missouri: Hiker Shot After Hunter Mistakes Him For Turkey, Yet Another Reason to Lose Our Pandemic Dewlap

An innocent hiker is in critical condition after being shot in the chest by a hunter who mistook him for a turkey. As far as bad days go, that’s right up there near the top.

But does this horrible accident have more to do with hunters gone wild or the flapping dewlap we seem to have sprouted since the start of the pandemic? With stress eating and binge hunting at an all-time high, it’s probably a little bit of both.

While the famed Lewis & Clark Trail has seen an explosion of foot traffic since quarantine began, local authorities have done nothing to curb the hunting that takes place in the area. And rightly so. Rather than redraw the lines so hunters and hikers no longer overlap, authorities have correctly determined that humans planning a day hike must rid themselves of their Covid dewlap before hitting the trail.

Authorities wisely believe a six-foot-tall man in workout clothes is too easy to mistake for a two-foot-tall winged beast when the sight of a hunter’s rifle locks onto a ruddy dewlap. For obvious safety reasons, hikers with excess skin dangling from their gullets will no longer be granted permits.

The move is a blow to hikers and fitness enthusiasts everywhere, who long to rehabilitate their atrophied bodies after a year of total stagnation. However, the worst part is, this tragedy unfolded just one day before the official close of turkey hunting season, making the case that procrastination is much more than just a bad habit. It can actually save lives.

Cover Photo: PeopleImages (Getty Images)

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