The Matt Gaetz Guide to Acing Your Sexual Misconduct Quiz While Looking Like a Groundhog

Despite looking like a groundhog whose face has been hit by a tornado, Matt Gaetz has quickly ascended to the height of GOP celebrity. But as great as all that sounds, it’s not necessarily a good thing (for him).

The Florida congressman is currently embroiled in a sex trafficking scandal that’s come to light thanks to an FBI investigation involving a weasely ex-tax collector and a questionable “dating” app. But as the walls close in around him, Gaetz is holding his ground. Chalk it up to the groundhog in him.

A few months ago, Gaetz famously asked then-President Trump for a “blanket pardon” he could use for any future hiccups. It may sound like nothing more than due diligence for a man rising through the ranks of the Florida political swamp, but as the federal investigation ramps up, Gaetz’s request for pardon begins to make perfect sense.

Not surprisingly,  the plot has thickened considerably since then in the form of Joel Greenberg, Gaetz’s former good time cohort (and aforementioned tax collector) who is currently negotiating a plea deal for related charges. If he confirms the allegations of sex trafficking with a minor, Gaetz may need to head underground fast. Luckily for him, we hear underground homes are lovely this time of year.

Meantime, spectators are watching the GOP’s response – because how your colleagues react to an impending scandal says a lot about your political clout (and the merits of the allegations). In the case of Gaetz, whose flamboyant tongue wagging has made him a Republican star, it’s interesting to note his peers are nowhere to be found.

But even with a face as handsome as his, how does a GOP lawmaker score high marks in the competitive field of political sexual misconduct? If you haven’t heard the sordid details yet, allow us to illuminate them for you with the Matt Gaetz Guide to Acing Your Sexual Misconduct Quiz. (Warning: May induce nausea.)

Cover Photo: Pool (Getty Images)

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