CABRERIZA, SORIA, SPAIN - 2019/03/31: New born goat kids and lambs are seen at a farm in the small village of Cabreriza, in the northern Spanish province of Soria. The population density in this area rounds to two inhabitants per square kilometre, similar to extreme regions such as Lapland or Siberia. This makes Cabreriza depopulated hence affecting its daily life and activities. (Photo by John Milner/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)

Meanwhile in Florida…Woman Sues for Paternity Test on Goats (But Not for the Reason You Think)

We know, we know. The title of this weird news story is a bit misleading. We’re sorry to disappoint you, but a Florida woman did not have sex with a gaggle of goats and then go on Maury to find out who the father of her Minotaur was. The real story, though less exciting, is still quite interesting, however.

Kris Hedstrom of Odessa, Florida, has filed suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, seeking DNA evidence that the goats she purchased weren’t registered with the American Dairy Goat Association. Hedstrom recently purchased five Nigerian Dwarf Goats from her neighbor for a respectable $900. It seemed like a fair transaction at the time, but Hedstrom later came to believe that the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda, and Margoat (heh) — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association. Goats that are registered with the ADGA have higher values than unregistered goats, and while the quintuplets’ dad was registered, the babies themselves were not.

Hedstrom is suing to get DNA from Papa Goat, which requires about 40 hair follicles. Dayner offered to refund Hedstrom the money she paid for them in exchange for giving the goats back but, so far, Hedstrom has refused. Dayner said that Hedstrom called the police on her for three months in a row and has actually trespassed on her farm. So though this story may not end up on Jerry Springer, it has just as many twists, turns, and allegations that one would expect from even the most insidious daytime talk shows.

Cover Photo: SOPA Images via Getty Images

Meanwhile in Florida: Hypocrite Calls Police Over Lack of Social Distancing in Bar After Trying to Kiss Everyone, Apparently Forgot How Alcohol Works

G.O.A.T.: Elon Musk to Replace Tesla Horns With Farts and Goat Noises (And Our Job Making Jokes Has Been Done For Us)

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