President Trump Likely to Pardon Any Damn Turkey Who Can Get Dirt on Joe Biden (Or Make His Son Disappear on Thanksgiving)

Donald Trump was lit up in his impeachment hearings last week like a Christmas boat parade on steroids, but Thanksgiving will get the first laugh if the president offers to pardon anyone, even the White House turkey, who can find dirt on his likely presidential opponent, Joe Biden. Given that the former Vice President might not even take the stage next election against the sitting president, it kind of makes you wonder what other probes he has out on folks like Elizabeth Warren (other than proving her Pocohantas-ness), Bernie Sanders and now potentially Michael Bloomberg. But one thing is for certain: When Trump does sit down to eat his pardoned turkey, likely extra crispy, he’s going to be wishing on a star that his son, Donald Trump Jr., isn’t sitting across from him. That’s one turkey nobody can pardon no matter how they try.

Photo: Chip Somodevilla / Staff (Getty)

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