President Trump Happy to Continue His Tradition of Pardoning Fat Turkeys As He Pardons White House Thanksgiving Birds

The annual pardoning of turkeys is one of the most ridiculous presidential duties. This year, soon-to-be-ousted President Trump is saving the lives of two birds, adorably named Corn and Cob.

But the pair of gobbling fowls are not the only ones who will see a reprieve. According to sources cited by the New York Post, Trump may be planning to leave office with a new reputation – that of “the most merciful president in history.”

“President Trump has moved mountains since taking office and I’m certain he’s not done yet,” said clemency advocate Amy Povah. “I would not be surprised if he goes down in history as the most merciful president when it comes to correcting injustices carried over from the horrifying tough-on-crime era of the late ’80s and ’90s that is responsible for sending many good people to prison for life, including life for pot.”

Now, for someone whose policies have resulted in caging – and orphaning – hundreds of children at the U.S.-Mexico border, the idea that Trump has a merciful bone in his body is bullshit. But let’s pretend he was capable of compassion. He has extended 27 pardons and 11 commutations during his term so far, after all. Who might be next on his forgiveness list?

Rumor has it that NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, Tiger King star Joe Exotic, former national security adviser Mike Flynn, former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, Charles Kushner (father of Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner), and rapper Lil Wayne are all contenders. Talk about a bunch of turkeys.

The one person we hope he can’t find a way to pardon? Himself.

Cover Photo: AP

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