election season is heating up. As Republican incumbent Donald Trump and Democratic hopeful Joe Biden go head to head, everyone will be fixated on one thing: their hair. Sure, there are policy issues to pay attention to, but grooming will be at the forefront of everyone’s mind. As these balding adversaries battle for control of the White House, we’ll be watching to see how their locks hold up under a variety of conditions, from outdoor rallies to packed press conferences to the steps of Air Force One. Today, we pit Biden versus Trump to answer the question: which political candidate has better hair?
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Biden vs Trump Hair
Trump's hair hue is a pale blonde. Is it natural? We don't know. Biden clearly doesn't color his locks; he's opted for the silver fox look. Both hair colors suit the heads they're on, making this an impossible decision.
Trump's hair often looks feathery and fluffed, whereas Biden's locks look coarse and grisly. Neither really has normal hair texture, but if we have to choose, Cheeto-man it is.
There's something about Trump's hair that makes everyone from news reporters to late-night talk show hosts want to ruffle it. We've yet to see anyone try to touch Biden's mane, but there are plenty of examples of the hair fondling (or, worse, sniffing) going the other way. *shudder*
Presidents don't often get drenched, but let's say they decided to do the ice bucket challenge way past when it was trending -- whose hair would look better sopping wet? Once again, we have to give it to the Donald, simply because he has a heartier mane.
Both men are balding, just in different places and to varying degrees. And they both are trying to cover it up with sneaky styling. Trump's hair looks haphazardly groomed from back to front, while Biden actually appears to know how to use a comb, though he doesn't always successfully cover up the bald spot.
Hair Force One
The president has to do a lot of photo ops boarding and departing Air Force One. That means wind-blown hair. Trump's mane seems to be more malleable in the breeze, while Biden's tends to look frozen in place. We'll go with natural movement over helmet head any day.
Is it the hair that makes the two candidates creepy or, say, their long history of touching women in inappropriate, nonconsensual ways? We don't know but the hair certainly isn't reducing the creep factor.
Winner: No one. We all lose when the commander in chief is a predator.
Let's be honest: neither of these guys has great hair. No one would name their locks as an asset. Still, just like we have to vote for one of them in November (unless you want to throw your vote away, which we don't recommend), we have to pick a winner.
We hate to say it because everything else about the guy is despicable, but Trump does indeed have the better hair. Maintaining that mane may be the only thing he's halfway good at.
Overall Winner: Trump