Bud Light Seltzer Popsicles Makes Keeping Kids Sober the New Summer Challenge, Missed Opportunity Not Calling Them ‘Pedophile Pops’

In a valiant attempt to solve the age-old problem of how to make day drinking more kid-friendly, Bud Light is releasing a limited-edition seltzer popsicle just in time for summer vaycay. Because school’s out and it’s time to dive headfirst into an unforgettable summer where bad decisions (and wretched hangovers) are just a few short 12-packs away.

Thanks, Bud Light! You’ve done it again.

Christened Retro Summer, these frozen treats come in three ravishing flavors that can’t be found anywhere in nature. From radioactive-hued Cherry Limeade and Blue Rasberry to the classic Summer Ice, Bud Light’s seltzer icicles are the perfect pop to chill out with while babysitting or visiting a children’s petting zoo.

And for those looking to maintain their summer bod, don’t sweat the illusion of this dessert pop. Each 12-oz icicle contains less than one gram of sugar – meaning you could go all day long without ever putting a dent in your six-pack (the one on your stomach).

Though at a middle-of-the-road 5 percent ABV, you may have to eat 57 of them just to get a buzz going. Still, with record heatwaves in store all around the country, having a constant stream of icy pops on hand doesn’t sound half bad. And just think how festive your bathroom is gonna look later when your projectile vomit ricochets all over the walls.

The tie-dye slim cans are sold in a variety of 12-pack that includes all three flavors. And at just over a dollar a can, it beats getting a non-boozy Patriot Pop from the neighborhood ice cream truck. Just remember to keep an eye on your stash. Those rabid little latchkey kids have been running around the park all day and are looking a might thirsty.

Cover Photo: Juj Winn (Getty Images)

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