Meanwhile in China: Constipated Man Attempts Curing the Runs by Putting Live Eel Up His Ass and Almost Dies, A Nursery Rhyme Old as Time

There once was an old lady who lived in a shoe, her husband got constipated and didn’t know what to do. However, he certainly didn’t put a live eel up his bum to stop it. That’s because nobody should put anything alive inside their bootypocket unless they’re a trained professional. Unfortunately, a Chinese man suffering from constipation hadn’t heard our warning and instead inserted a 7.87-inch live eel inside his anus based on a well-known “folk remedy.”

As you might have guessed, this particular remedy didn’t actually cure the man’s constipation. Once the eel entered the man’s rectum it chewed through his colon where it entered his abdomen and the real pain began. At first, he was too shy to go to a doctor because who wants to be the guy who got fooled by the old eel in the butthole folk remedy… but after enduring a day of stomach pains he headed to the hospital.

Physicians removed the eel, which was reportedly alive, just in the nick of time. The doctor who performed the surgery said the man may have gone septic had he waited much longer to come in. As a public service announcement let us just say, if you googled, “eel up butt constipation,” and found this story, it’s a very bad idea to put a live eel inside your bum. Plus, there are much easier ways to combat constipation like adding more fruits and veggies to your diet, drinking warm water, and eating prunes. All of which sounds a lot less stressful than shoving an eel in any of your human orifices.

Cover Photo:  Andrew Marriott (Getty Images)