Meanwhile in Florida: Horny Man Arrested For Making Furry Love to Stuffed Animals at Local Target Asks ‘Is It News If There’s No Surprise?’

Photo: Holger Leue (Getty Images)

You might have seen the classic Twilight Zone or the reboot from Jordan Peele on the streaming service formerly known as CBS All Access. If not, you can get a good sense of what you missed by simply visiting Florida. Things are a little different in America’s southern appendage. There’s no scientific reason and we can only assume that it’s because of the state’s close proximity to the mysterious Bermuda Triangle. But, regardless of the reason, we seem to be inundated with bizarre stories centered around the equally mysterious “Florida Man”. The newest revolves around stuffed animals at a Target store and an overly amorous man.

The strange Florida-centric scene happened at a Target store in St. Petersburg. Witnesses saw 22-year-old Cody Meader grab a stuffed unicorn, who knows why, and dry hump it while being watched by a Target loss prevention officer. Why he wasn’t immediately removed from the store, we don’t know. We can only assume the officer was in such shock that they were literally frozen in place watching the spectacle as it unfolded.

Meader didn’t stop with the stuffed mythical beast. He then set his sights on, we’re very sad to say, a stuffed Olaf doll from the Disney movie Frozen. We can only assume that the Josh Gadd-voiced character was too much for him to handle and he dry-humped it until completion. Again, we can’t understand why he wasn’t stopped, but maybe they assumed if he finished, he would just move on with his day.

Apparently, this isn’t the first time he’s been arrested for dry-humping stuffed animals. He was previously booked at an area Walmart.

In all honesty, we’re flabbergasted by this story. But we just might have reached the pinnacle of the mythos of “Florida Man.” It’s only downhill from here.

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