GOLDEN, CO - OCTOBER 29: Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump addresses a campaign rally in the Rodeo Arena at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds October 29, 2016 in Golden, Colorado. The Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday it discovered emails pertinent to the closed investigation of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton's private email server and are looking to see if they improperly contained classified information. Trump said "I think it's the biggest story since Watergate." (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

President Trump Threatens to Leave US if Biden Wins Election, Threatens Us With the Time of Our Lives

Used to be, we just wanted Joe Biden to win the election and become the President of the United States. But now, we actually need the guy to become president, if only to send the current Commander-in-Chief packing to another country. This is something that could feasibly happen, at least according to Trump himself.

In one of his many self-fellating election rallies, Trump — ever the showman — had this to say about a potential Biden victory:

“Ya know what? Running against the worst candidate in the history of presidential politics puts pressure on me. Could you imagine if I lose? My whole life — what am I gonna do? I’m gonna say ‘I lost to the worst candidate in the history of politics.’ I’m not gonna feel so good. Maybe I’ll have to leave the country? I don’t know.”

So, first of all, we just want to punch him in his smug, dumb fucking face. More importantly, however, is the idea that if Biden wins the election, Trump may leave the country. And from now until election night, we will pray to any and every deity, in or out of existence, that that’s exactly what will happen. Of course, he’s speaking in hyperbole. He only ever speaks in hyperbole. But he may not be lying. He very well may leave the country, though we think it will have less to do with Biden being president and more to do with Trump wanting to avoid prison. Still, the idea of a Trump-less America is a dream that we so desperately want to cling to, but won’t, for fear of the massive disappointment if he doesn’t actually leave.

Speaking of leaving, Trump’s fan club, the Proud Boys, have also stated that they may leave the country if Biden wins. No great loss there. But recently, one ‘proud boy’ went so far as to suggest that if Biden wins, a civil war could break out. In a video posted to TikTok, a Proud Boy supporter stated that “if Trump doesn’t get re-elected, there’s going to be a riot. If he doesn’t get elected, this is when you’re going to see a civil war. My recommendation to anyone is stock up on ammo, get your guns.”

Yes, Annie- get your gun. We’re not exactly sure what these supposed Proud Boys are actually proud of. It’s certainly not their intelligence level nor the size of their privates. But if Joe Biden wins, and if Trump leaves the country and takes his stans with him, that is what would truly Make America Great Again.

But, like the great theologian, Hawkeye, said: “Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope.”

Cover Photo: Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images

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