WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 10: U.S. President Donald Trump speaks during a round table discussion with African American supporters in the Cabinet Room of the White House on June 10, 2020 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Doug Mills-Pool/Getty Images)

Trump’s Terrorist Theory of 75-Year-Old Man Shoved by Police Exhibits New Expert Level of Sociopathic Thinking

So, President Trump is a sociopath, right? We can all agree on that? It seems like the President says something stupider and stupider every single day. You’d think we wouldn’t even be surprised anymore at the depths to which he can stoop, but, God bless him, he’s still able to shock us. Take, for instance, the story of 75-year-old Martin Gugino, who was violently pushed by Buffalo law enforcement recently, while he was peacefully protesting.

Video footage shows Gugino approaching police officers, probably just to talk. One officer wasn’t having it, though, and decided he wanted to put his big boy pants on and be a “tough guy.” So he pushed Gugino, causing the man to fall backwards and hit his head, leaving a pool of blood in his wake. The officers involved were suspended, pending the results of an investigation. But our President must have launched his own investigation during the short time it’s been since the incident happened. We say that because Trump made some very…curious claims about what happened that day in Buffalo.

“Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur,” he wrote in a tweet. “75-year-old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to blackout the equipment. I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a setup?”

This is our president. He thinks this 75-year-old dude is fucking Batman, trying to “blackout” equipment, whatever that means. He then claims this “could be a setup.” A setup to what?? Trump, clearly, has been watching too many episodes of his favorite NBC hit dramas (which is actually surprising, because we thought he only watched cartoons). This isn’t a Netflix original series and Trump is not a tough-but-lovable anti-hero we love to hate. No, what happened was a douchebag cop pushed an old guy so that he could feel tough and make up for all those years in high school that he got shoved into lockers. And all Trump had to do was say nothing. That’s all he had to do! Just don’t say anything. Or maybe, and hear us out, maybe he could have offered his condolences to the man and condemned the police officer. Instead, Detective Trump thought it would be prudent to offer a nonsensical conspiracy theory that had absolutely no evidence. This is because our commander-in-chief is either a blithering dumbass (he is), or a complete sociopath (we’re pretty sure he’s both).

So, we did some research (if, by “research,” we mean “Googled”). According to the Mayo Clinic, these are the symptoms of somebody with antisocial personality disorder (aka a sociopath).

  • Disregard for right and wrong
  • Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others
  • Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others
  • Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure
  • Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated
  • Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior
  • Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty
  • Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead
  • Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence
  • Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others
  • Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others
  • Poor or abusive relationships
  • Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them
  • Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations

Check, check, check, fucking check. We’re not even trying to be funny or mean here. Donald Trump has consistently proven himself to be everything his biggest detractors keep calling him. This Martin Gugino incident is just further proof of his sociopathy. But, perhaps we’re being too hard on him. Maybe Gugino did  “fall harder than he was pushed,” whatever TF that means. Maybe we should just wait until Trump turns 75 and then push him and see how hard he falls. We think it would happen quicker than the tumbling of a house of cards.

Cover Photo: Pool, Getty Images

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