Kim Jong-un Reportedly So Alive He’ll Be Starring in a Reboot of ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’

Rumors have been swirling that Kim Jong-un is either unwell – or dead. (We’ve known for a while that’s he’s sick in the head, but that’s not in dispute.) The authoritarian leader of North Korea skipped out on his grandfather’s birthday celebration on April 15, an event he hasn’t missed since he took power in 2011. One Seoul-based website claimed the 36-year-old man-baby was recovering from heart surgery. Fox News suggested he was injured during missile testing (which would serve him right; Jong-un has a major hard-on for explosives).

Over the weekend, #KimJongUnDead was trending on Twitter, with users wondering if it’s too soon to unleash memes about the reviled dictator. On Monday, a state-run newspaper reported that the tyrant sent a thank-you letter (because that sounds so in character) to resort builders dated on April 27 as proof that he is alive.

But chances are the heavy smoker, drinker, and fair-weather friend of President Donald Trump is moribund, if he hasn’t kicked the bucket already. The 300-pound despot suffers from cardiac problems and given that his father and grandfather both died from heart attacks, we wouldn’t be surprised if he inherited the same cause of death.

Haters and fans alike are eager to see how this story unfolds, given that North Korea is one of the most secretive societies in the world and definitely isn’t beneath propping up their beloved autocrat a la Weekend at Bernie’s just to keep their repressed citizens in line while figuring out who Jong-un’s successor might be.

A picture’s worth a thousand words: America Distracts Itself From the Kim Jong-un Chaos By Photoshopping the Hell Out of His Missile Test Picture


Party pooper: Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong-un Has Banned Singing and Drinking

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