Gene-Edited Baby Born in China, Vows World Domination Before Gender Reveal Party

China is leaps and bounds ahead of the U.S. when it comes to gene-edited baby world domination. Thanks to a group of vigilante scientists (led by rogue tinkerer He Jiankui) who broke from international protocol, a gene-edited super baby was born by manipulating a laboratory embryo. The Chinese government was quick to condemn the scientists, but even quicker to disappear them from society. They recently released a statement saying of the scientists “their acts were in pursuit of personal fame,” before sentencing the ringleader to three years in prison for…wait for it…pretending to be a doctor without a medical license. Not for, um, messing with the fabric of human existence.

International scientists were also outraged with He Jiankui, demanding the Chinese government to verify his work so they could take notes. Other detractors were concerned that the baby would exhibit strange mutations due to heavy gene tamperings, such as superpowers and endless amounts of daddy issues. China has yet to notify the world just who will be looking after baby Frankenstein, but sources within the government say the newborn has already been offered a job at Huawei, with promises of a large holiday bonus.

Photo: John M Lund Photography Inc (Getty Images)

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