Hallmark Channel to Debut Wines Paired to Their Movies, And You Thought You Were Crying a Lot Now

Photo: Hallmark Channel

Hallmark used to mean greeting cards. Then it meant a store filled with tchotchkes, trinkets, and more snow globes than any store should have. Now, it means a channel filled with movies starring D-List actors that dream of one day making a rom-com that gets them noticed enough to level up to the Lifetime Channel. It only made sense that Hallmark would add to its repertoire by making wine specifically designed to pair with its myriad movies about a no-nonsense, tough girl who works too hard to have a meaningful relationship only to be forced by her boss to take a vacation to a secluded inn in the French countryside where she inevitably meets a ranch hand who becomes the love of her life.

Nobody should be surprised to learn that not only does Hallmark have wines designed to be paired with their movies, it also has a wine club to keep fans of magical Christmas romances and rundown New Zealand ranch love stories boozed up the whole time. It’s called Hallmark Channel Wines Club and, if you sign up, you can get wine sent to your house or apartment four times per year in three, six, or 12-bottle shipments.

We know what you’re saying, who cares if the Hallmark Channel sells wine and why would we want to order from its wine club? You don’t have to be coy with us. We know you’ll settle in and watch a rom-com starring Candice Cameron and a sassy best friend with boundary issues who helps pair her with the high school sweetheart who got away who also just happens to have come home to help his ailing father re-open the shuttered family business. The former ‘Full House’ star’s acting is only made more palatable with the addition of booze.