Lil Uzi Vert
MIAMI GARDENS, FLORIDA - JULY 25: Lil Uzi Vert performs on stage during Rolling Loud at Hard Rock Stadium on July 25, 2021 in Miami Gardens, Florida. (Photo by Rich Fury/Getty Images)

Rapper Lil Uzi Vert Becomes First Person to Buy a Planet, Jeff Bezos Likely Seething at Obvious Missed Opportunity

Few things can make billionaire Jeff Bezos jealous. Big feet. The vibrance of youth. And maybe a full head of hair (except, of course, Mark Zuckerberg’s). But one thing that trumps all other tiers of envy for the big guy is being the first human to buy your very own planet.

Which makes Elon Musk’s girlfriend the perfect person to spread rumors that rapper Lil Uzi Vert has become the first person to own a planet. After all, who better to throw shade on the world’s richest man than the current baby mama of the world’s other richest man?

The planet in question, WASP-127b is a gas giant located a mere 522.6 light-years away from our solar system. So whatever Lil Uzi Vert paid for his exoplanet, he definitely got a great price for a ball of gas in a highly desirable quadrant of the galaxy.


Experts (likely hired by a livid Bezos) have taken to Twitter to debunk the sale, citing the Outer Space Treaty of 1967 which prohibits billionaires and rappers alike from claiming sovereignty over any part of outer space that hasn’t crash-landed on earth. For now.

Regardless of this 20th-century law and the rules of common sense (which obviously don’t apply to Lil Uzi Vert), Grimes insisted on Twitter that the rapper is now the first humanoid in this version of the multiverse to own an entire planet.

Lil Uzi Vert, who’s been on a recent spending spree, probably figured a planet would go perfectly with his $24 million forehead diamond and tongue tattoo. We couldn’t agree more. In fact, we have a jar of dark matter we’d be willing to part with for a good price. What up, Uzi?

Cover Photo: Rich Fury / Staff

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