Bagel Bites

Meanwhile in Wisconsin: Lawsuit Claims Bagel Bites Aren’t Made With ‘Real’ Cheese (Time to Lower Your Expectations For Frozen Food, People)

When you buy a frozen food product, you know what you’re getting even if you don’t read the ingredients label. You know the food is probably bad for you, that it’s packed with preservatives, and that there’s nothing “real” about it, even if the packaging claims otherwise.

But try telling that to a Wisconsinite who recently filed a class-action lawsuit against Bagel Bites alleging that the tiny pizzas aren’t made with “real” cheese or tomato sauce as advertised. The federal lawsuit says that the brand’s parent company, Kraft Heinz, duped customers by plastering the “Real” dairy seal on the Bagel Bites box when the poppable cheesy snacks do “not contain ‘real’ mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce, as these foods are understood and expected by consumers.”

Well, there’s your problem right there: consumer expectations. If you’re expecting anything wholesome or nutritious from a product that combines two of the worst carb-filled foods in a microwaveable nosh, you’re part of the problem.

The litigious cheesehead got pretty technical in their critique of Bagel Bites, saying that the snacks are not made with 100 percent mozzarella cheese, but rely on a “cheese blend” that contains modified food starch instead.

“The addition of food starch and corresponding reduction of milk results in the purported cheese blend having at least two percent less of the daily recommended value (“DRV”) of protein,” the incredibly anal lawsuit states.

We don’t know a lot about Bagel Bites consumers, but we’re pretty sure they couldn’t give AF about nutritional content. They eat these snacks because they’re hot, fast, and delicious (in that so-bad-they’re-good way).

But there’s no talking sense into these people, especially the complainant’s attorney, Spencer Sheenan. He seems to think Bagel Bites consumers are cheese snobs.

“Consumers, especially Wisconsin consumers, know what real mozzarella cheese is and isn’t, and they know that real mozzarella cheese doesn’t contain food starch. They also know that tomato sauce has real tomatoes,” said Sheehan, who is surely making a lot of cheddar out of this bogus complaint. (It’s his second attempt at bringing the lawsuit, which didn’t get off the ground in his home state of New York.)

Kraft Heinz isn’t feeding the frenzy. “Bagel Bites, the perfect bite-sized pizza snack, are made with delicious, high-quality ingredients that our fans know and love. We proudly stand by the food we make, and are focused on bringing great products to market. The lawsuit lacks any merit, and we will strongly defend our brand,” a spokesperson said in a statement to Today.

Even if the lawsuit were successful, it’s unlikely the complainant would accomplish anything other than forcing Bagel Bites to change its packaging and dish out a measly settlement. All the better to buy more Bagel Bites, we suppose. Those things are damn addictive, real cheese or not.

Cover Photo: Kraft Heinz

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