RANKED! The Worst Foods to Eat Before You Bone
Sex and food are the perfect coupling…or are they? Smashing on an empty stomach isn’t recommended, but if you eat too much food or the wrong kinds of food, you may be dooming your next roll in the hay. When pre-coital nerves and the chemistry of your favorite dinner combine, you just might fall victim to a very embarrassing bedroom disaster.
We here at Mandatory want you to succeed in the sack, so we’ve ranked the worst foods to eat before you bone. Avoid these eats at all costs before you partake in sex play, but feel free to go wild and treat yourself after the pleasure fest is all said and done.
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10. Ice Cream
The sheer amount of lactose in ice cream is tough for even the heartiest people to digest, and if your frozen dessert contains sugary mix-ins or artificial sweeteners, you're asking for (gut) trouble. Save the ice cream for after the sex (and don’t sleepover if you know what’s good for you).
A bagel is the equivalent of more than three slices of bread. Add a schmear of cream cheese (or a blanket of it, if you get it from a deli) and you're wolfing down at least 450 calories, not to mention the excessive fat and gluten, which are going to slow down your system substantially. A bagel would be better used as a sex pillow than a carbo pre-load in this scenario.
If you don't think a little bar snack like pretzels would be problematic when you're gettin' it on, think again. The amount of wheat these endlessly popable eats contain could seriously upset your stomach at the most inopportune time -- not to mention how thirsty eating a few handfuls of 'em will make you.
Though a seemingly light side dish, coleslaw's main ingredients are cabbage and mayo, which together create the perfect storm of fermentation and bloat. Stand back -- this date's gonna blow!
There's nothing tastier than a big hunk o' beef, but don't devour one before your big night because it'll be days before you get that red meat out of your system.
5. Fettucine Alfredo
Noodles cloaked in melted better and heavy cheese. What could go wrong? Your body is going to have to divert all its resources to your gut to be able to digest this entree, leaving zero blood flow for your dick.
Sausage is chock full of salt, fat, and preservatives that probably don't belong in your body in the first place but that you definitely shouldn't be digesting mid-sex act. You can pig out when the porking is done.
You love pizza. We do, too. But those cheesy slabs covered with cured meat, smelly onions, and salty olives are best reserved for non-date nights. The sheer mass of dough and toppings is too much for your stomach to handle while multitasking in the sack.
Hey, we love the crunchy, tasty trance that a platter of loaded nachos can put us in, but this is definitely not date food. The fried chips, nacho cheese, and spicy jalapenos all conspire to create a very grumpy gut.
A burrito is a ticking time bomb for your bunghole. With beans, cheese, sour cream, salsa, meat, and rice (guac's extra) -- you're packing over a pound of gas-producing ingredients into one of those tortilla-wrapped torpedoes. Eat a burrito before sex and you'll be lucky to make it through foreplay without running to the bathroom with your ass in your hands.
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