Our Sex Lives Suck, Study Says to Blame COVID For Your Inability to Get Laid (If That Helps You Sleep at Night)

If your sex life sucks right now, you’re not alone. And it’s not your fault. No, coronavirus is to blame. The deadly virus has ruined nearly everything, and now it’s come for your sole source of pleasure, leaving you without an opportunity to, well, come. Ever.

We’re not just making this up. It’s scientifically proven. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has released early findings from an ongoing study titled “Sex and Relationships in the Time of Covid-19” that started in mid-March.

Of nearly 2,000 respondents, 44 percent claimed their sex lives were in decline and 30 percent said their “romantic lives” (whatever the hell that is) were tanking, too. On the flip side, 14 percent of respondents bragged that their sex lives had improved since the pandemic began and 23 percent said their relationship was in a better place. (Leaving us to wonder if their partners were within earshot when they reported that everything was hunky-dory.)

“Some people reported their sex lives and romantic lives had improved and were reporting their relationships were better and stronger than ever,” Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute said. “But a larger number (of respondents) reported challenges in their sex lives and relationships.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why fucking isn’t as fun as it used to be. There’s the stress from the pandemic itself (which is a buzzkill enough all on its own), but add the extra burden of being unemployed or underemployed and the fear of getting sick and you have a lot of people who aren’t in the mood.

If you’re single and social distancing, it’s near impossible to get laid, and if you manage to, you’re potentially risking your life. For those quarantined with their sex partners 24/7, overfamiliarity has killed all desire. Just sharing a bathroom with the one you’re supposed to want to see naked can be a complete turnoff.

The good news (we hope) is that eventually, the pandemic will ebb, we’ll all go back to work (away from home), and dating will be safe enough again so we can have some very exciting and highly regrettable sexual experiences with strangers – just like the olden days! In the meantime, enjoy your hand.

Cover Photo: 4FR (Getty Images)

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