Deep Dive: How Can I Possibly Date a Coronavirus Denier?
You never thought you’d be so eager to go on a date — any date, even a bad one — but after months of loneliness in COVID-19 quarantine, you’re raring to get back out there. While you may be abiding by recommendations to wear a mask, socially distance, and take care of your health, not everyone is as conscientious as you. There’s a subset of (stupid) Americans who refuse to believe coronavirus is “real,” much less dangerous. And chances are, if you swipe through Tinder long enough, you’re bound to end up on a date with one of them. Does that fact that they’re a coronavirus denier have to ruin what could be a fruitful relationship — or at the very least a satisfying fling? We think not. Here’s how to date a coronavirus denier without losing your sanity — or your life — in the process.
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We know they're a "covidiot," but calling names never changed anyone's mind. Be respectful in the way you speak to your coronavirus denier date while still slipping in facts about coronavirus from time to time. Speak the truth without being preachy.
Follow the rules even if they don’t.
Wear a face mask in public. If your date refuses, that's their prerogative (unless there's a state mandate, in which case, they're legally obligated to abide). You can't force them to wear a mask, but you can set a good example.
Find sneaky ways to social distance.
If you're creative enough, you can find ways to go on dates that don't put you at further risk of contracting coronavirus. An outdoor activity like kayaking (in which you each have separate vessels) keeps you at a safe distance from each other and everyone else.
Stick to safe sex.
Avoid kissing or any other form of exposure to their, um, droplets. Choose sex positions that aren't face to face, like doggy style or reverse cowgirl. If you can tolerate it (and find a way to make it kinky), wear a mask during sex, too.
Deep clean after each date.
You don't know what your coronavirus denier date has been exposed to, so after you part ways, make sure you shower with antibacterial soap, wash your clothes with extra detergent in hot water, and wipe down anything they touched with a sanitizing wipe.
Get tested regularly.
Hopefully your community has a free testing site where they accept asymptomatic people. Get tested regularly to make sure your coronavirus denier date isn't a silent spreader.
Keep your schadenfreude to yourself.
Your coronavirus denier date will inevitably come down with COVID-19. Try not to say "I told you so" to their face.
We all know who your coronavirus denier date is going to vote for on Nov. 3. Make sure you cast a ballot, too, so you cancel out theirs. The only way we're going to get this pandemic under control is if we get dumbass out of office.
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