Melania Trump Awakes From Living Nightmare to Plead ‘Stop the Violence’ Days After Violence Ended

Too little, too late. That’s an easy way to summarize the latest communique from the White House in the wake of the Capitol insurrection last week. It came in the form of a long-ass statement from First Lady Melania Trump that strangely started off talking about COVID-19 before segueing into the aforementioned riot that left five people dead.

“I implore people to stop the violence, never make assumptions based on the color of a person’s skin or use differing political ideologies as a basis for aggression and viciousness. We must listen to one another, focus on what unites us, and rise above what divides us,” she wrote (or so we have to say, but come on, we know she didn’t write a word of this unless she’s been hitting the Rosetta Stone hard over quarantine).

“It is inspiring to see that so many have found a passion and enthusiasm in participating in an election, but we must not allow that passion to turn to violence,” she continued. “Our path forward is to come together, find our commonalities, and be the kind and strong people that I know we are.”

Of course, nowhere in the statement was any mention of her husband’s egging on of his egghead followers on social media that preceded the revolt or any attempt to take responsibility for inciting said violence. In fact, it’s almost as if she’s as un-self-aware as her so-called better half.

“I am disappointed and disheartened with what happened last week,” she wrote. “I find it shameful that surrounding these tragic events there has been salacious gossip, unwarranted personal attacks, and false misleading accusations on me – from people who are looking to be relevant and have an agenda.”

Right. Because this is all about you, Mrs. Trump, and the press has so many ulterior motives. (Psst…that “agenda” is a little thing called “reporting the truth.” You should look into it.)

This statement came a full five days after the deplorables dispersed from the Capitol. We’re not sure if she was in a deep coma, off on a spa retreat, or if she sent her thoughts by telegram, because typically political figures address crises this big more quickly, like, as they are happening.

Oh well. We expect nothing more than tortoise-like turnaround time from an administration so checked out that it only recently acknowledged it’s no longer going to be in power come Jan. 20. (Whereas we’ve been eagerly awaiting that date for over two months now.)

The good news is no one listens to Melania anyway, so her words will likely be ignored just like everything else she’s said and done (or failed to say and do) during her stint as first lady.

Stick to modeling, Melania. We like you so much better (and that ain’t sayin’ much) when your mouth’s shut.

Cover Photo: Alex Wong / Staff (Getty Images)

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