Coldplay Releases Double Album, Forces Listeners to Stab Both Ears Twice As Hard

Coldplay released yet another new record, Everyday Life, on Nov. 22, to which everyone who heard the news responded, “Wait, didn’t you guys break up? We thought this was over!” The new album, reportedly an ode to the good ol’ days when Chris Martin and company would play actual music (as opposed to the U2-leg-humping glitter space rock we’ve grown used to), features a number of songs that are actually quite soft on the ears, including single “Orphans” that features a return to the way things once were back in 2003. Regardless, listeners have grown so accustomed to stabbing their ears when they hear the noticeable Coldplay anthem come on that they have been forced to stab their eardrums twice as hard to battle the double album. Nobody should be putting out a double album, unless of course, you’re Tupac and trying to catch up for lost time.

Photo: Mauricio Santana / Staff (Getty)

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