Samsung’s Wine-Pouring Robot Brings Us to Completion in the Pandemic, Also Makes Us Obsolete

The elderly, bumbling Jasper on The Simpsons once uttered the phrase “What a time to be alive.” He was referring to Moon Pies, but we think his astonishment translates well to 2021. That’s because Samsung recently participated in a virtual version of the Consumer Electronics Show in which it unveiled smart fridges way more advanced than anyone would ever need, ginormous flat-screen TVs, and a slew of robots that will eventually enslave the human race and insert us into a Matrix-like faux-reality while they drain us of our nutrients.

But, regardless of the inevitable destruction of mankind due to our own need to create smarter robots, we can rest easy (for now) because Samsung also unveiled a robot called JetBot 90 AI+, that among vacuuming your floor can also pick up any laundry strewn absentmindedly around your apartment and can even pour you a glass of wine or whiskey.

After learning that last skill, we honestly don’t care if it does any cleaning. We’ve always wanted to live in a world where a robot could pour us a stiff drink while we sit, slack-jawed, cramming Doritos into our maw while we binge-watch The Handmaid’s Tale.

Also, they announced an air purifier robot and other robotics that don’t involve pouring any alcoholic liquid, so we honestly stopped paying attention. There’s no word yet on a timeline as to when we can have this magical bot in our homes. But, when it’s available, you can bet we’ll bow down to our robot overlords. That is, as long as they pour us a cocktail every now and then.

Photo: Peter Dazeley (Getty Images)

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