Face Mask State IDs Give Hope to Teens in Need of a Good Fake ID, Really Just Need 2 Whole Eyes to Drink Now

If you’re old enough to drive, you’ve probably been to the DMV. And if you’ve been to the DMV (especially during this pandemic), then you know just how little they care about you, the reason for your visit, or the job they’re doing to help you. But sometimes the DMV’s total apathy is our win. Take Leslie Pilgrim, for example, a 25-year-old California woman who was shocked when she recently received her brand new REAL ID in the mail and saw the veiled photo the DMV had chosen.

“I was thinking that there’s just no way that this can qualify as legal identification,” Pilgrim told CNN.

In case you don’t know, the REAL ID comes with a little gold star at the top, which we’re assuming, is a state-of-the-art counterfeit nullifier and not just a touch of flair devised by a fourth-grade art class. It’s the brainchild of the Department of Homeland Security and is the next wave of tech-savvy personal identification that will be used to separate the “citizens” from the “terrorists” starting Oct 1.

Which makes Pilgrim’s ID that much more hilarious and perfectly on-brand with the all-around shenanigans of the past year. And the perfect loophole for teenagers looking to take advantage of this moment in time when adults have stopped paying attention to, well, everything. Forget the age of McMuffin fake IDs where you’re forced to awkwardly explain to a suspicious clerk why you have an out-of-state license or recently shaved your beard.

“It’s definitely a sign of the times,” Pilgrim said.

For parents who worry face-mask IDs will lead to underage drinking problems, we quote the great Humphrey Bogart: “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” Now, with pandemic-era REAL IDs, at least one of society’s problems can be solved. Not to mention, what better time is there to start drinking than in the middle of a pandemic?

As for Leslie Pilgrim, she’s already ordered a new ID (sans mask) but plans on keeping her old one. So for any bored high schoolers in the Laguna Hills area of Southern California, there’s hope for you yet. At least one killer fake ID is still floating around with your eyes on it.

Cover Photo: Leslie Pilgrim

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