COVID After Dark: Parents Using Unique Piece of Kids’ Furniture For Adults-Only Fun (Sexy Time)

There’s nothing sexy about kids’ stuff. In fact, kids and all their accompanying crap are actually the perfect form of birth control. But one obscure group of parents is using children’s furniture for gettin’ it on – and they’re bonding over it on Facebook.

There’s so much “eww” to this story it’s hard to keep reading. But we know you want to know more. So here goes: the nasty little furnishing is called the Nugget. It’s basically a sofa set for kids that can be configured any which way. It’s like a pillow fort, but fancier.

Photo: Nugget

 

For $229, you get a base, a soft cushion, and two supportive pillows. “It’s squishy and strong, so playroom superheroes can bounce back after big falls,” the website says about its cushion. And for the pillows? “Use them for the columns of a coliseum, the hull of a ship, or just a backrest when you need a break in between.”

Yeah, well, Mom and Dad have other ideas. They’re using the Nugget to facilitate their late-night playtime. And one TikToker is outing them. Her name is Megan Zurn, and in December, she posted a video about the “cult” surrounding the infamous foam couch which is chronically on backorder and retails on the black market for thousands of dollars.

@pushingastrollerinheels##stitch with @gabbgoudy ##greenscreen ##nugget ##MakeItMagical ##Productivity ##VivaCleanHacks ##TheProm♬ original sound – Ari Gold Energy

According to Zurn, parents often post pics on Facebook of themselves smugly smiling as they pose by their Nugget purchases (one dad even did so in the nude). And a select few are allowed into Nugget After Dark, a private Facebook group “where people go to talk about banging all over their children’s furniture,” she says.

Before you write this off as a suburban myth, the Nugget After Dark group does indeed exist – and has a whopping 7K members. “Just nugget owners doing what we do,” the Facebook group description reads alongside a winking emoji. It’s basically an open secret on social media.

We’re all for whatever keeps the spark alive, especially between frazzled moms and dads who have little libido-killers running around all day and night thanks to quarantine. But might we suggest parents purchase an additional Nugget just for naughty purposes? It seems unsanitary, if not downright inhumane, to expect your kids to crawl around all over your jizz stains. And for the love of God, keep your Nugget adventures off the internet. It won’t be long before your children are old enough to e-stalk you.

Cover Photo: Nugget (Facebook)

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