Mitch McConnell is old AF. This, we know. We also know he’s a rotten SOB. But now the 78-year-old Senate Majority Leader’s body is showing just how crusty this dude’s gotten.
Photos of McConnell’s discolored right hand went viral this week. Looking like something out of the zombie apocalypse, his mitt was shaded somewhere between purple and black and bore a bandage. It almost looked there was a hole through it?
Photo: C-Span
The top Senate Republican is up for re-election. If his body parts are about to fall off, that might be something his constituents want to know before voting for him. Thank goodness for journalists, who aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions.
“Do you have some kind of health issue?” Politico reporter John Bresnahan asked McConnell. “Everyone been’s talking about your hands.”
“I’ve been worried about your health, Bres. How are you feeling?” McConnell said, referring to the journalist by his nickname.
“But I’m serious, is there anything going on we should know about?” asked Bresnahan.
“Of course not,” the old geezer otherwise known as Rigger Tortoise replied.
Reporters again pressed him (metaphorically speaking; please, don’t touch the hand) but failed to get a straight answer out of the (possibly mutant) man. McConnell must’ve learned his lesson because he’s started to appear in public with his hand in his pocket.
We have just one question: How long does it take gangrene to spread? We’re not saying we wish ill on the man. (It’s pretty clear he’s ill already, in addition to being sick in the head.) We’re just saying we’re not going to cry at his funeral.
Cover Photo: Abaca Press / Sipa USA via AP
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