Mandatory Voting: 12 Simple Reasons to Be Pro Joe (And Against Don the Con)
To call Joe Biden an “imperfect” candidate would be too kind. The former vice president has been accused of sexual assault, refused to apologize for his insensitive treatment of Anita Hill, and has a penchant for nonconsensual sniffing of women’s hair and massaging their shoulders – and these are just his offenses against women.
He’s also old, quite possibly senile, and has an antiquated worldview seemingly formed in the ‘50s that hasn’t evolved much. As Melissa Batchelor Warnke wrote in the Los Angeles Times: “Joe Biden is three children in a trenchcoat, twice passed-over, alternately psychobabbling and walking out of the frame.”
Biden is no one’s first choice, but we have to vote for him because the alternative is certain death. For some, including those caged at the border, BIPOC targeted by racist police, and anyone afflicted by COVID-19, we mean that quite literally.
Still unconvinced? Let us count the reasons why you should be pro-Joe on your ballot – even though you know this country deserves better.
Cover Photo: Win McNamee / Staff (Getty Images)
Personality decoder: What Your Favorite Presidential Candidate Says About You
Because he won’t do much.
That might not seem like a selling point, but it’s an improvement from the nutjob currently in office who almost started World War III while tweeting from the toilet.
Because he had a bromance with Obama.
If Obama loved him, we can learn to love him too…right?
Because he made a historic vice-president pick.
Kamala Harris is the first Black woman and person of Asian descent on a major party's presidential ticket. Should Biden die while in office, she’d also be the first female president in the history of the United States. We don’t wish death on anybody, but a woke voter ready for real change can dream.
Because Ruth Bader Ginsburg is going to kick the bucket.
And that means Trump, if re-elected, will likely replace the supreme court justice with a monster. Roe v. Wade will be overturned and abortion could become illegal again. If you care about women, or even just one woman, you’ll understand why we can’t return to the days of back-alley abortions. Besides, think of the child support you’ll potentially save on.
Because he makes space for the next generation.
Biden probably won’t make life measurably better for BIPOC, but he won’t stand in the way of those who do want to work to improve living and working conditions for marginalized groups.
Because he’s not in bed with Russia.
(As far as we know.) The president can’t be Putin’s lapdog. Democracy doesn’t work that way.
Because he won’t take away your health care.
Biden probably won’t reduce premium costs and he definitely won’t give you free Medicare like Bernie wanted to do, but at least he won’t strip you of whatever crappy, overpriced coverage you have now (which, real talk, is better than nothing).
Because he defers to the experts.
Unlike his adversary, who prefers to fire people he disagrees with, we can trust that Biden will listen to the experts and respect science when it comes to things that are killing us, like COVID-19 and climate change.
Because he has a sad backstory.
Biden’s first wife and infant daughter died in a car crash that also injured their two sons just after Biden was elected Senator of Delaware in 1972. Then, in 2015, one of his surviving sons died of brain cancer. Oof. That definitely earns him your pity vote.
Because he has a bigger vocabulary than Trump.
Size matters. Maybe it’s because we’re wordsmiths, but we love a robust vocab. Biden could beat Trump on Words With Friends seven ways to Sunday. Biden’s voice is also less annoying and he doesn’t have a mouth that looks like an asshole. So. There’s that.
Because he won't cancel TikTok.
Trump is on a mission to destroy TikTok. Biden seems to have no beef with the social media platform, so under his administration, we can all go on posting stupid videos indefinitely.
Because he’s not Trump.
If none of the aforementioned reasons moves you to vote for Biden, this one has to. If you can't vote for Biden, at the very least vote against Trump.
Deliciously accurate: If Each of the Remaining Democratic Candidates Were Candy, This Is What They’d Be
Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.