Meanwhile in Wyoming: Man Uses Samurai Sword to End Boxing Match with Best Friend

“Did we just become best friends?” “Yup!” “Do you wanna go practice karate in the garage?” “Yup!” That is how we imagine the conversation went between two “friends” in Laramie, Wyoming, right before they started boxing — a fight that ended with one friend utilizing a fucking samurai sword.

Paul Harper, former owner of Paul’s House of Food (they sold food there) in Laramie, Wyoming, was recently charged with attempted murder after he and a friend got drunk and decided to start boxing. The boxing started off innocently (and stupidly) enough. Dudes get drunk and box each other; it’s like a time-honored tradition. Usually, though, those drunken boxing matches don’t end with one of the participants fucking stabbing a man with a samurai sword.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened with Harper and the victim (referred to as E.B. in the police report). The two began fighting when, according to the report, E.B. punched Harper in the face. Harper became incensed and reportedly said, “How dare you punch me in the face, you piece of shit.” E.B. then reportedly called Harper a “bitch,” which was certainly the right thing to do in that situation. Isn’t alcohol fun?

A report from the Laramie Boomerang summarized the rest of the events:

“E.B. claimed Harper then went to his bedroom and ‘reappeared with only underwear on’ while brandishing a Samurai sword. Police described the sword as being of ‘medieval style.’ Harper then allegedly demanded E.B. disrobe and said ‘take off all your clothes and I’m going to show you what a bitch really is.’

After the victim took off his clothes, he told police that he pleaded for Harper to put the sword down and was ‘crying before the first swing of the sword.’ As E.B. put up his left hand arm up to protect himself, Harper took multiple swings with the sword and, at one point, reportedly said ‘this sword is sharp and I’m going to show you how sharp it is again.’ E.B. told police he kept trying to hide behind chairs in Harper’s house, but kept getting cornered. ‘The victim stated that he could feel each strike of the sword go deep into his arm and he recalled observing blood pouring out, the affidavit stated.’”

Police were called to the scene and E.B. was life-flighted to a hospital in Colorado. Harper was charged with second-degree attempted murder, which was not the first time he had been charged with a crime. Harper was also accused and convicted of felony drug distribution, which may have contributed to the death of his wife back in 2016. So he sounds like a real gem. Unfortunately, sources were unable to confirm whether the samurai sword in question was signed by Randy Jackson or not.

Cover Photo: Laramie Boomerang

Like, duh: Americans Are F-in Miserable and Just Want to Get Drunk, Poll Says


Meanwhile in Florida: Clearwater Drunk Gets DUI, Shaves Mustaches Before Getting Another DUI the Same Week

Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.


// ad on openWeb