Meanwhile in Florida: Man Holds Onto Moving Semi for Dear Life, Perfect Metaphor for 2020

Florida, you son of a bitch, you did it again. Just when we thought Wyoming was going to overtake you in the ‘WTF is happening’ hierarchy, you reminded everybody just who in the hell you were. Of course, you wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for the fabled Florida Man. In this case, Florida Man decided to take a joyride on a semi-truck. The only thing is, he chose to do it on, like, the outside of it.

A recent video surfaced online, showing a man literally hanging onto the front of a semi as it drove down I-95 on the Florida Turnpike. Now, normally this would be surprising. But it’s Florida. And it’s 2020. So nothing surprises us anymore.

Some commenters have asked why the driver didn’t just stop his truck. Well, it’s because of the same reason none of the truck drivers stopped when Vin Diesel and his friends were trying to steal all their shit in the Fast and the Furious movies — semi drivers are trained to only stop when they have a safe place to do so. Semi-trucks aren’t like regular cars. They can’t just pull off to the side of the road every time the driver has to pee. They can only stop when it is safe to do so, otherwise, they risk causing a major traffic pileup.

So the driver, to his credit, is the real hero of this story. Instead of freaking out like most of us would do in that situation, he kept his cool, called the police and, we guess, safely “delivered” this man to their waiting arms, where he was transported to a local hospital to undergo a psych eval. Because duh. But really, if this video teaches us anything, it’s that even if 2020 has hit us head-on, as long as we hold on for dear life, we’ll eventually make it to safety.

Cover Photo: John Turner

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