Lifetime Introvert Enjoying Week Off From Making Excuses to Friends During Peak Social Distancing Season

Nature has devised quite the alternative to “normal” living for us lately, but for some people, the social distancing is not so bad.

After years of coming up with quick excuses and dodging behind trash cans when seeing people he knows in public, one local introvert is finding a little rest in not having to be so clever and crafty all the time now that coronavirus has everyone locked down with peak social distance season. Staying home is now the new norm, something that freelancers, agoraphobes, pedophiles and introverts alike can agree to, no closer than a few feet from one another and no more than 10 to a crowd (unless you live in Florida, apparently).

“Finally, I let my guard down and relax without having to worry about how to get out of my friends’ kids’ birthday parties. At least now they’ll learn how to have toddler birthday parties without a bunch of awkward 30-somethings staring at them like they’re at a petting zoo. I know this virus is terrible, obviously, but what a relief! And it’s really saving me a lot of money on my anxiety prescription not having to go out.”

When asked to comment further, the young man didn’t respond. Seems he’s taking this sabbatical rather seriously. That just goes to show one man’s terror is another man’s treasure.

Photo: Steve Cole (Getty)

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