Meanwhile in Florida: Fisherman Believes He Was Sexually Assaulted by Mermaid, Most Likely an Instagram Influencer

In a move straight out of Cast Away, a Florida fisherman was lost at sea for 14 days. He was eventually found and taken to a medical facility, but not before telling his rescuers that he had been sexually assaulted by multiple mermaids. At the hospital, the man was said to be showing symptoms of extreme dehydration and was suffering from mild hallucinations. The man’s brother said that the poor fisherman “described in graphic detail how he was forced to perform oral sex on the fish-like genitals of these aquatic creatures, not only onto the women but also onto the men.” Fear not, well-wishers. Doctors stated that the man would eventually fully recover, despite his injuries. “Although Mr. McCallister does present abnormal injuries and inflammation to the genital and anal area, it is highly unlikely that he was sexually exploited or sodomized by living sea creatures and these are possibly self-inflicted,” explained one medical expert. The Old Man and the Sea, this was not.

Cover Photo: Stewart Cohen (Getty Images)

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