Harvey Weinstein Finally Convicted of Sexual Assault, Top Shelf Fresh Meat Announced for Lunch in Prison

There’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is, Harvey Weinstein was acquitted of two of the most serious charges against him. The good news is, he was found, like, super guilty on two other felony counts. On Feb. 24, Weinstein was found guilty on one count of criminal sexual assault in the first degree, and one count of rape in the third degree. In short, Weinstein is going to jail for a long time and there’s very little the former producer-rapist can do about it.

But he’s sure gonna try. Sources inside the courtroom said that after hearing the verdict, Weinstein at first refused to get up out of his seat. Then, he complained of high blood pressure and chest pains, so he was taken to a local hospital before, presumably, finding his cell on Riker’s Island. Big Bad Harv is scheduled to be sentenced on March 11, and he could face up to 29 years in prison. Given our current judicial system (and the man who has the power to pardon people), he probably won’t even get a quarter of that, but the important thing is that he is going to be spending many nights in jail, crying himself to sleep in an 8′ x 10′ cell and looking forward to his daily bologna sandwich. This is ironic because, to many of his fellow inmates, Weinstein himself is the fresh meat.

Cover Photo: Scott Heins (Getty Images)

Fall from grace: Harvey Weinstein Faces 4 New Counts of Sexual Assault in Los Angeles, Not Including All Houseplants He Defiled

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