Taco Bell Releasing Limited-Edition Wine, Jalapeno Noir, Something to Ensure Your Asshole Catches Fire

Photo: Taco Bell

Recently, Taco Bell made headlines because of its menu purge, including jettisoning its beloved Mexican Pizza into the world of retired foods. But now it’s making news because of something it’s actually adding to the menu. But, to get this new item, you have to live in Canada.

Canadian Crunchwrap fans can get a bottle of a limited-edition Taco Bell wine. Yes, you read that right. Not a new version of the Mexican Pizza or another weird chicken-shell taco. The chain is launching a special wine for our friends north of the border.

Not surprisingly, it’s called Jalapeno Noir and it’s only available via Uber Eats in select Taco Bell locations in Ontario, Canada (Hamilton and Toronto specifically). This dark, fruity, red wine (that may or may not actually contain any jalapenos) was specifically created to be paired with Taco Bell’s new Toasted Cheesy Chalupa (called Toasted Cheddar Chalupa in the States), but we wouldn’t be surprised if people pair it with an elegant meal of a few soft tacos and a chicken quesadilla or with a dessert like Taco Bell’s cinnamon twists.

Sadly, as of right now, there are no plans to release this wine in the lower forty-eight. Also, since Americans can’t currently go to Canada, we’re probably going to completely miss out on this strange Mexican fast-food offering. The only hope is that the hype surrounding its release in Canada will make the company decide to let us have a few swigs of this red wine. We’d love to end a meal with both greasy cheese stains and wine stains on our shirt.

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