Report: Foster Girlfriends Just Happy to Help Exes Find Their Forever Home

This is one of those stories that just warms your heart. Thousands upon thousands of young women across the country are banding together to provide foster relationships for wayward men who are searching for their forever homes. These men may have been verbally abused or, perhaps, their egos were bruised and their precious feelings were hurt. It’s even possible that these young men were born into relationships they simply weren’t ready for. Regardless of the reasons, these guys needed fixing, and, in the ultimate act of altruism, these young women were eager to answer the call. They became foster girlfriends.

 

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The duties of a foster girlfriend are vast and varied, but they always include the following:

  • Foster girlfriends must rebuild the confidence of the men they foster, building them up until they feel good enough about themselves to pursue a relationship with somebody they actually see a future with.
  • Foster girlfriends must teach their boyfriends how to cook, in order for them to impress their next girlfriend with how well they cook.
  • Foster girlfriends must introduce their boyfriends to a minimum of three books/movies/bands that they will then erroneously claim to have “discovered” themselves while “vacationing in Punta Cana” or “hiking” or some other douchey bullshit.
  • Foster girlfriends may not, under any circumstances, get pregnant. This negates the entire foster relationship and will simply result in a loveless marriage, if there is a marriage at all.
  • Foster girlfriends, no matter their own feelings/wants/needs/desires must let their boyfriends go when the time is right. When their wounds are licked and their wings are healed, the boyfriend in question must be able to fly away to meet his true soulmate. Because it’s not you.

There are additional rules, and various pages of fine print, but that is the gist. Do you think you’d benefit from a foster girlfriend? Tell us why in the comments below!

Cover Photo: Meiko Arquillos (Getty Images)

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