Overcoming the Ball-Buster You’re Dating (And Taking Back Your Manhood)
So you’re dating a ball-buster. She critiques, controls, and otherwise makes your life miserable. It sucks, but you’re not doomed to an emasculated existence. While you can’t control anyone else’s behavior, you can tweak your own, and hopefully, initiate a transformation in your relationship. These simple 11 steps will free you from the unsexy bondage that is being coupled up with a ball-buster and help you reclaim your masculinity.
Cover Photo: RgStudio (Getty Images)
Honest Timeline: When Your Girlfriend Goes Out of Town
Don’t beat around the bush. Be direct. Speak your truth. If you’re not OK with a request, tell her. Ask for what you need. Make statements rather than ending every sentence with a question mark. Eliminate “What do you think?” from your vocabulary. (She’s a ball-buster. She’ll tell you what she thinks no matter what.)
Be a man with a plan.
Part of manning up means being a leader. When your next date night rolls around, show up with a plan for the evening and stick to it. Contrary to popular belief, women (even ball-busters) don’t want to micromanage everything all the time. Challenge yourself to knock her socks off.
Take the lead.
Especially in the bedroom. If you’re always waiting for her to initiate, you’re not tapping into what you need, want, and desire. Make the first move. Pick her up. Throw her on the bed (gently). Say those dirty things you’ve been holding back. Pretend you’re a top even if you’ve always been a bottom. Sometimes what a ball-buster secretly wants (and doubly so during sex) is to abdicate all that power she’s constantly wielding.
You do you.
Psychologists call this “differentiation.” It’s when you realize you and your girlfriend are two separate people and you start acting as such. She is not a planet you revolve around. You are both individual planets who happen to be in the same universe. Start carving out time for your interests, hobbies, and self-development. Ironically, spending more time apart can bring you closer together.
When you look strong and feel strong, you act strong. Pumping iron increases your testosterone in addition to your muscle mass. It doesn’t matter if these are mirror muscles. The point is to tap into your strength and remind yourself that you do, in fact, have a backbone (in addition to killer biceps).
Of course there’s a time and a place for apologies, but if you find yourself constantly saying “I’m sorry,” even for things that aren’t your fault, zip it up. By not taking the blame for every little thing, you’re teaching her to take responsibility.
One of the reasons she keeps running rampant over your life is because there’s no one monitoring the borders of you. This is one scenario where it’s totally appropriate to build a wall! You’re allowed to refuse to be her plus-one at that snore-fest corporate dinner or skip out on the family gathering that features racist relatives or not answer her angry texts at 3 a.m. Define your boundaries and protect them.
It’s such a small word, so why is it so hard to say? It will get easier with practice, so start today. Make it your new catchphrase. Whenever she demands you do something unreasonable, demeaning, or simply undesirable, say no. Then keep saying it. This will take her aback and piss her off at first, but after enough repetition, she just might come to respect you for it.
Call her out.
“That’s not fair.” “That ain’t right.” “This is unacceptable.” “That was rude.” Any of these are fair game when responding to an irrational ball-buster on a rant. If you want to get into psychobabble, you can also use “I” statements. For example, “When you criticize me in public, I feel embarrassed. I need you to discuss these issues with me in private.” Whether or not she’ll change her ways, who knows, but at least you objected when she crossed the line.
This might be the only tip on this list that actually works. Ball-busters are borderline (and sometimes blatantly) abusive. Dumping her and moving on is one way to guarantee you won’t get your manhood handed to you in a man satchel again and again.
Admit that you like it.
Hey, it’s cool. Lots of men are happy to turn over ownership of their balls to their girlfriends. Maybe you’re a beta male. If that’s your thing, accept it and embrace it (but, please, don’t complain about it). If she’s calling all the shots and making all the decisions, you have more free time to play video games and jerk off anyway.