Meanwhile in Germany: Hamster Makes a Fortune Trading Crypto, Finally Puts Rat Race to Shame

What do hamsters and cryptocurrency have in common? Both of them are perfect for beginners, slightly unpredictable, and exceeding all expectations. Well, now the two are colliding after a little hamster named Mr. Goxx made a killing in the crypto market.

In fact, Mr. Goxx, an unimpressive-looking rodent from Germany, has been doing so well since he started investing in June, his portfolio of crypto assets has outperformed Warren Buffet and the S&P 500. So what’s Mr. Goxx’s secret? How has he managed to increase his wealth by so much?

Glad you asked.

Using the most state-of-the-art hamster cage ever constructed, Goxx begins his day with a brisk jog on his “intention wheel” housed inside his “office”. Like a Wheel of Fortune, Goxx’s disc has coordinates linked up to over 400 types of crypto. Once he’s done with his jog and the wheel stops, it lands on a particular cryptocurrency. With Goxx’s business dealings done for the day, he exits his office through either a “buy” tunnel or a “sell” tunnel which determines the course of action for the chosen currency.

Using this completely arbitrary and random method of trading, the bootstrapping young hamster has increased his investments by 20 percent, taking his initial buy-in from $390 to $580. Sure, it doesn’t sound like a lot, but at this rate, it’s only a matter of time before Mr. Goxx sets his sights on world domination. (How a hamster even got hold of $390 in the first place is a mystery and worthy of an HBO documentary series.)

As the average lifespan of a hamster is two years (we would have guessed three weeks) Mr. Goxx might just net a few thousand dollars to leave behind to his wife and kids – if he doesn’t get eaten by a cat or die from a massive tumor first. Come what may, we’re rooting for the little fella. It’s good to see that upward mobility still exists for some runners in the rat race.

Check out his IG below and follow the link to watch Goxx do his thing live on Twitch. Who knows, maybe one day you can be as successful as Mr. Goxx. (Probably not though.)


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Mr. Goxx (@mr_goxx)

Cover Photo: HusarK (Getty Images)

Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.

Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.