Meanwhile in Russia: Woman Steals Dozens of Cryogenically Frozen Bodies (Why Do We Immediately Think of FroYo?)

Most relationship trouble just leads to a painful breakup in the privacy of our own homes with the occasional fork-stabbing (if you happen to be out to dinner). But Russia likes to do things a little differently, especially when it throws cryogenically frozen corpses into the mix with a bizarre heist that probably won’t lead this couple to get back together anytime soon.

Which is a shame because Valeria Udalova and Danila Medvedev weren’t just lovers, they were business partners at KrioRus, the leading cryogenics storage lab in the country which housed 81 popsicle people and 47 pets. But success quickly led to a difference in opinion on how to grow the business, causing the frigid conditions at work to spill over into the bedroom.

After legal entanglements began to snowball, Valeria filed papers to open a rival lab called Open Cryonics. Needing some corpses to keep her new venture alive, Valeria decided to grab a few lying around the lab at KrioRus.

Using a group of men with rumored ties to the Italian mafia, Valeria broke into KrioRus and began relocating bodies. But police became aware of her actions when someone noticed a giant crane lifting deep freeze tanks out of the warehouse and into the back of a waiting truck.

As police swarmed, Valeria fled the scene, making off with at least one person’s brain (which is stored separately from the bodies, obviously). Soon after, she posted a video to YouTube claiming she had filed the proper paperwork to take ownership of these bodies, but Danila, who’s already started a family with another woman, refutes this claim.

Authorities are now investigating which ex is telling the truth. And if you’ve ever experienced any kind of relationship fallout then you know they have a huge f—–g mess on their hands.

As for the stolen bodies, the tanks were drained of their liquid nitrogen during the heist causing the bodies to heat up. And while a little heat would have been a good thing to rekindle the doomed romance of these two Russian pseudo-scientists, we can only imagine what it does to a corpse that’s been frozen for years. FroYo anyone?

Cover Photo: YouTube

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