Unmasked Man Strolls Pantsless into Dunkin, Donuts Said to Have Covered Their Holes

We all know the phrase “no shirt, no shoes, no service.” It’s a popular sign posted on the door of convenience stores in an effort to dissuade patrons from strolling in without shoes and a shirt. Why? Because we’re not barbarians and the store probably doesn’t want to get sued if you pour scalding nacho cheese on your naked torso or cut your bare foot by stepping on an errant Ring Pop. Most people adhere to the rules and this includes a Vermont man named Benjamin Stearman. The problem was that while he was wearing a shirt (and most likely shoes), he wasn’t wearing any pants and, in the time of COVID-19 social distancing, he wasn’t wearing a mask when he recently entered a Dunkin’.

While the lack of a mask shows he doesn’t really care about giving or getting the virus, it’s the lack of pants that local police found concerning when the man entered a Dunkin’ in mid-April. Law enforcement in sleepy Ludlow, Vermont, was called to the donut shop because the man in question apparently strolled into the store and exposed his munchkins to the cashier.

Obviously, this isn’t a socially acceptable action and he was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious conduct. The most interesting aspect of this story is the fact that when police arrived on the day of the incident, the man was gone already (hopefully with a breakfast sandwich and an iced coffee). The whole ordeal was captured on video and police asked the locals to tell them who the pants-less perpetrator was. A few weeks later, thanks to a few tips, they identified the man. No word on whether or not he’s allowed to come back to Dunkin’ or if he’ll have to take his Tim Bits over to Tim Horton’s instead.

Photo: RyanJLane (Getty Images)

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