Two Friends Clinging Beers Together Stare Each Other Down With Questionable Glances Amid Social Distancing, Based on a True Story

Just when you thought the high-five had made its triumphant comeback, social distancing in a time of Coronavirus makes its rude appearance. Amidst the crisis, folks have gone to great lengths to wash vigorously and avoid shaking hands, and while many handshake alternatives like the “elbump” and booty-bump have taken over, everyone is starting to wonder if they can truly trust their friends.

Two fictional grown adult men felt the weight of this when they decided to get together for a self-quarantined St. Patty’s in after lengthy deliberation in a text thread marked “End Times//No New Friends 2020” but hesitated when ironically cheersing to their good health, staring each other down with distrustful glances as if to say, “I don’t have it but I don’t know that you don’t have it. Then again, I’m not totally sure I don’t have it.”

This being the hairiest time for transmitted viruses since chlamydia overtook your college, friends will likely spend the next 14 to 60 days losing faith in their closest friends, preferring to stay home than roll the dice that the weak link went out earlier that day to stick his head into a hot zone without telling anyone. Meanwhile your other friend is frenching his dog, who hasn’t had a bath in months. It’s a toss-up. Maybe it’s best if we all went our separate ways for the year.

Photo: Oliver Rossi (Getty)

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