Tom Hanks Stranded in Australia With Coronavirus, Worst Possible Sequel to ‘Castaway’ (Except This One Is Real)

Coronavirus couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Amid the COVID-19 outbreak, the world has seen a number of tragic events. From toilet paper shortages to cancellations of entire sports seasons, the coronavirus has hit hard. Perhaps the most upsetting news yet, however, was the announcement that Tom Hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson, have tested positive for coronavirus. The couple is currently in Australia, as Hanks is filming an untitled Elvis Presley biopic, in which he is playing the role of Elvis’ manager, Colonel Tom Parker.

In typical Hanks fashion, the couple was weirdly positive in their announcement of being, well, positive.

“Hello, folks. Rita and I are down here in Australia. We felt a bit tired, like we had colds, and some body aches. Rita had some chills that came and went. Slight fevers too. To play things right, as is needed in the world right now,  we were tested for the Coronavirus, and were found to be positive.

Well, now. What to do next? The Medical Officials have protocols that must be followed. We Hanks’ will be tested, observed, and isolated for as long as public health and safety requires.  Not much more to it than a one-day-at-a-time approach, no?

We’ll keep the world posted and updated.

Take care of yourselves!”

Seriously, the man is a national treasure that must be protected at all costs. Luckily, if the healthcare system fails him (like it’s failed hundreds of thousands of other Americans), he has experience isolating himself on desolate beaches thanks to Castaway. And we have no doubt that if it meant sparing one person the sickness, he would do just that. He’s just that kind of a guy. Now somebody find that man a volleyball!

Cover Photo: Twentieth Century Fox

Ranked: The 20 Best Tom Hanks Performances to Celebrate the 20-Year Anniversary of ‘Cast Away’

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