Pentagon Drops UFO Videos, Seems Like a Good Time to Sit Us Down and Break the News

Well, it was bound to happen eventually and, honestly, right now seems to be the best time to share it because, collectively, we’ve all just come to expect waking up to the worst news imaginable these days. In this case, the news is that UFOs are real and they have been the whole time!

At least, that’s the theory, as the Pentagon has officially released three videos that seem to offer proof that unidentified flying objects exist. The videos were first posted and acknowledged by a company called To the Stars Academy of Arts & Sciences back in 2017. The company, for what it’s worth, was co-founded by Blink 182 rocker Tom DeLonge, because why wouldn’t it be? Unfortunately, at the time, the videos were deemed “classified” by our illustrious government until they could figure out just what the fuck they were.

They still don’t know, but they must have figured that now is as good of a time as any to “declassify” the videos and open them up to the public, because most of us are living in a “fuck it, the world is gonna end soon anyway” frame of mind. In truth, the Pentagon really did pick a great time to release these videos, because evidence of U-F-fucking-Os is barely registering on all of those talking head news broadcasts that we all love so much.

Pentagon spokesperson Sue Gough stated that they are releasing the videos now “in order to clear up any misconceptions by the public on whether or not the footage that has been circulating was real, or whether or not there is more to the videos.”

She continued, stating that “after a thorough review, the department has determined that the authorized release of these unclassified videos does not reveal any sensitive capabilities or systems and does not impinge on any subsequent investigations of military air space incursions by unidentified aerial phenomena.”

In layman’s terms, nothing really happens in the actual videos, except for a couple of guys commenting that these aircraft are rotating. They do, in fact, look like UFOs, but we have to believe that whoever inhabits those aircraft took one look at the state of our planet, specifically the United States, and uttered whatever the alien interpretation is of: “These people are fucking insane and have you seen their leader? Let’s go back home.”

Cover Photo: CNN

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