US actress Amber Heard reacts in the courtroom at the Fairfax County Circuit Court in Fairfax, Virginia, on May 3, 2022. - US actor Johnny Depp sued his ex-wife Amber Heard for libel in Fairfax County Circuit Court after she wrote an op-ed piece in The Washington Post in 2018 referring to herself as a "public figure representing domestic abuse." (Photo by JIM WATSON / POOL / AFP) (Photo by JIM WATSON/POOL/AFP via Getty Images)

Biden Administration Left With Last Resort Deploying Secret Weapon Amber Turd to Handle Putin Invasion

The Biden Administration has been looking at different ways to aid Ukraine with the Russian invasion. After using some of the traditional methods of providing weapons and funding, President Biden is looking for a more permanent solution. One that would be cheap and guaranteed to handle Vladimir Putin. Well, it looks like Biden might have an answer in Amber Turd.

“We’ve been closely watching the televised trial of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard,” said a National Security advisor. “Ms. Heard is quite the manipulative psycho and may just be the weapon we need to bring down Putin.”

But what exactly could the Biden administration have in mind? Are they going to have Amber insult Vladdy and his old dictator friends? Maybe drink a “mega pint” of Putin’s blood? The Biden team spoke a little bit further about their plans with involving the disgraced actress to bring down Putin. Bear in mind that the plan might not be for the faint of heart.

“We’ve watched pretty much all of the testimony and the thing that struck us most was Ms. Heard apparently taking a dump on Mr. Depp’s bed,” said the Biden advisor. “It might not be the most conventional method and we fear Putin might see it as an act of nuclear war, but we feel the best weapon to handle Mr. Putin is with Amber Turd.”

Indeed, every diplomatic avenue appears to have been worked to death. In order to spare the US taxpayers any further grief, the Biden administration appears ready and willing to deploy Amber Turd on Vladamir Putin. There’s been no official word on whether President Biden has been briefed on the Amber Turd strategy, but sources say he’s willing and open to exploring the smelly solution.

Let’s hope Putin hasn’t built an immunity to turds from disgraced actresses.

Cover Photo: JIM WATSON (Getty Images)


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