Stephen King is an expert at writing. From The Shining to Carrie to It, he knows how to scare people better than anyone – and that’s a good thing. But recently, he terrified the entire internet with a single tweet…in which he shared a recipe.
“Dinner: Get a nice salmon filet at the supermarket, not too big,” the prolific horror author tweeted. “Put some olive oil and lemon juice on it. Wrap it in damp paper towels. Nuke it in the microwave for 3 minutes or so. Eat it.”
As an afterthought, he added, “Maybe add a salad.”
Foodies were thoroughly freaked out by the suggestion that salmon be microwaved – and rightfully so. Fish is notoriously delicate and hard to cook under the best conditions (i.e. on the stovetop or on a grill). Sticking it in an appliance better suited to Hot Pockets is really bad advice. Salmon is also a lot more expensive than frozen pizza bites, so you don’t want to fuck it up.
Twitter was quick to call King out on his culinary flub.
“U on coke again?” one fan asked.
U on coke again?
— caleb (@oompaville) April 20, 2022
“scariest thing you’ve ever written,” another opined.
scariest thing you’ve ever written
— Angrir III (@The_Real_Alex_Q) April 20, 2022
“Is this why Pennywise keeps eating children?” someone else inquired. “Cuz you did this to him?”
Is this why Pennywise keeps eating children? Cuz you did this to him?
— Ian Fortey Thinks You Should Read His Books (@IanFortey) April 20, 2022
Ah, but Twitter will criticize anything, right? Except then Chef Jose Andres chimed in, bringing all his food-related authority with him.
“This is a horror movie! Eat it raw, eat it plancha, eat it fry [sic]…but 3 minutes on the microwave is like the twilight zone!” he tweeted.
This is a horror movie! eat it raw, eat it plancha, eat it fry…..but 3 minutes on the microwave is like the twilight zone!do 1 minute at the time if you use microwave, in and out in and out….and undercooked better! Let the waves heat the water molecules enough to be warm! https://t.co/AUOYFJFTh9
— José Andrés (@chefjoseandres) April 20, 2022
Then the chef offered up an alternative preparation method: “do 1 minute at the time if you use microwave, in and out in and out….and undercooked better! Let the waves heat the water molecules enough to be warm!”
So, let’s review: if you want to get scared shitless, read or watch something with Stephen King’s name on it. But if you want a perfectly-cooked slab of salmon, leave it to the professionals — and keep it out of the microwave.
Cover Photo: Astrid Stawiarz / Contributor and DavidPhotography (Getty Images)
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