Studio Shot Of Gift Box Against Gray Background

Online Service Will Send Your Ex Poop in the Mail (Look What You’ve Done, Amber)

It was only a matter of time until someone was going to monetize the “revenge poop” phenomenon. While this crappy breakup behavior only recently came to life due to Johnny Depp’s defamation trial against his ex-wife Amber Heard, apparently people have been literally shitting all over their exes’ lives for years – and some of them don’t even bother to do the dirty deed themselves. They outsource it to a service called Poop Senders!

Yes, this company really exists and has been mailing cow dung, elephant crap, gorilla poop, or a combo pack anonymously through the United States Postal Service since 2007.

Included in the bag of shit is a card that reads, “You’ve been pooped on. What to know by whom? OVER.” The idea being that the recipient will tear open the bag of poop to find out who sent it. Alas, when they turn the card over, all they’ll see is this message: “We’ll never tell.”

Though the Poop Senders website warns, “You may NOT use our service to threaten, constitute harassment, violate a legal restraint or any other unlawful purpose. The customer agrees this is a gag gift, novelty service for entertainment ONLY and that is their only intention,” it also provides visitors with “10 Reasons to Send Someone Poop!” Guess what No. 1 is? “For your ex.”

Poop Senders has plenty of testimonials attesting to how effective this method is at getting your message across.

“I’ve sent out 2 poop packages now and they both hit the intended target. What a great idea,” said John from St. Paul, Minnesota.

“My ex boy friend shit on me by cheating on me, so I thought I would shit on him. I sent a package to his mothers house to his attention where he goes to eat every Sunday. I hope when she gives it to him he opens it in front of her so she can see it to. Maybe her little perfect son isn’t perfect after all,” said Susan of Charlotte, North Carolina.

If you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to send your biggest enemy a box of flaming shit (OK, it’s not flaming; you’d have to do that part yourself), Poop Senders is offering a spring 2022 special: 3 pounds of animal poop for $49.95, a deep discount from the usual $99.95 price tag.

It’s a shame Heard didn’t trademark “Amber Turd” and get in on this shitty business idea first.

Cover Photo: Ranta Images (Getty Images)