Disappointed Boy Grounds Parents For Staying Out Too Much, Stealing Toilet Paper From Public Restrooms

Timothy had it up to here (holds hand above his pimply pubescent five-foot-two-inch body) with his parents after they snuck inside their home, giggling, well past sundown, which happens to be curfew in their small locked-down town right now. After telling his mom and dad about what he’s been seeing on the news, their son exclaimed his parents, Martha and Gary, “damn well” knew better, but not before Timothy asked to see under his parents’ overcoats to find them hoarding toilet paper from one of the local gas stations.

After ordering them to return the stolen toilet paper with an apology, his parents claimed they had learned their lessons and would never steal again, begging their son to let them mail it back with a written apology instead of go back out into the contagious night. Timothy calmly pulled a carton of cigarettes from the cupboard and poured every cancer stick out on the table, giving them option to learn their lesson the hard way or the fun way.

Gary and Martha will be, according to Timothy, self-quarantined for some time and unable to come out to play with the other adults for the foreseeable future.

Photo: Heide Benser (Getty)

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