Alabama Man Surprisingly Has Only One Meth-Fueled Pet Squirrel (Considering His Stance on Abortion)

Alabama Man is doing his damndest to overtake Florida Man as the outstanding crazy person of the south. In this instance, he’s making a good case for himself by having a squirrel for a pet that authorities claim was fed with methamphetamine. Police arrested Mickey Paulk, the Alabama Man in question, and claimed he was fueling the animal with meth to make it into an “attack squirrel” because, you know, who doesn’t want an attack squirrel? Maybe he was an emotional support/attack squirrel? It wouldn’t be the strangest emotional support animal, after all.

Once the cops seized the squirrel, they didn’t have the proper equipment to test the animal and confirm its system was full of meth. So they did what they thought was the best thing to do — release the squirrel they think is a drug-induced attack animal into the wild. Good call, you guys.

We get that people want to keep exotic, uncommon animals as pets. But things get a little crazy when people start getting arrested and accused of having meth-fueled squirrels. But don’t worry, Paulk wasn’t arrested for that. Cops busted him for drugs, weapons, and other outstanding warrants like a normal Alabama weirdo.

Photo: dgwildlife (Getty Images)

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