These 12 Things Are Definitely Not a Ballot Box in Which to Put Your Vote
The 2020 election is on track to see an unprecedented amount of mail-in votes. If you’ve never voted by mail before, it can be kind of confusing, especially because the process varies by state. In some places, like Pennsylvania, there are multiple envelopes to contend with (beware the naked ballot!). In other places, like California, fraudulent ballot drop boxes are tricking people into parting with their votes, making voters wonder if their ballots will even get counted.
Generally speaking, the safest places for your ballot are either the post office (the sooner, the better) or the ballot counter at your local polling place on Election Day (or earlier if your precinct offers early in-person voting). Clear as mud? We thought so. That’s why we came up with this helpful list of 12 things that are definitely not a ballot box in which to put your vote.
Cover Photo: Brothers91 (Getty Images)
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The Library Book Drop
Librarians are sweet souls -- they'll probably even call you and tell you that your ballot accidentally turned up -- but it's not their job to get your ballot to the appropriate place.
We'd like to bury this year and everything related to it, too, but putting your ballot in a pricey coffin six feet underground only confirms that democracy is dead.
The Church Collection Plate
Who would Jesus vote for? Probably neither of the two clowns running for president. Still, don't cast your vote in the Sunday collection plate. Remember: separation of church and state!
The Diaper Pail
Yes, there's a man-baby running for president, but that doesn't mean your ballot belongs in the diaper pail. (On second thought, if you are voting for Trump, maybe that's exactly where it belongs.)
A Fire Pit
We, too, feel like 2020 has gone up in flames, but let's not torch the ballots, too.
The Glove Compartment
Yeah, yeah, you want to put your ballot in the glove compartment for safekeeping. The problem is no one ever remembers that they put anything in there. Unless it's a gun. Then you can't forget.
A Halloween Bucket
This trick would be no treat, especially if the election is too close to call. Stick to handing out chocolate.
A Raw Turkey
Hold your horses there, host with the most. Thanksgiving is still weeks away. Besides, your ballot really isn't going to infuse your turkey with the same flavor as a traditional stuffing.
This election is going to be the shittiest in recent memory, but that doesn't mean you should flush your ballot down the toilet.
A Box For Valentines
Your ballot is like a love letter to democracy, but don't let your vote go to waste in some kid's Valentine's Day box.
The Litter Box
The Electoral College is a load of crap and might make you feel like your ballot is about as valuable as cat turds, but please don't deposit it in your cat's pooping place. Someone's going to have to scoop that and we're guessing it won't be you.
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