Fitness Bros Flock to Underground Gyms, First Rule of Underground Gyms Is You Do Not Talk About It to Karens

As any die-hard exercise enthusiast knows, you don’t mess around with workouts. Unfortunately, coronavirus threw many meatheads for a loop. With gyms closed across the country, endorphin junkies took to the streets, either to go running and biking like normal people or to stage protests like covidiots. But another group of fitness fanatics took their workouts underground.

Yes, speakeasy gyms are officially a thing. The only problem is that their members are speaking to the press, which seems counterproductive if you’re trying to keep where you get your workout fix on the down-low.

One such gym rat, who would only go by her first name, Christina, when being interviewed by NPR, said that her gym’s owner called her up during lockdown and told her she could come back if she wanted to. When she showed up, she found the place packed with new faces. “And these are the typical gym bros,” she said. “And they’re grunting and using all the equipment, taking selfies in the mirror, flexing their triceps. It’s bizarre.”

Of course, these dudes weren’t wearing masks, social distancing, or wiping down equipment. (Some things never change.)

And herein lies the problem with any kind of prohibition: it drives behavior underground, where it can’t be regulated. In the case of fitness buffs, if they decide to flout the rules, they end up putting their lives and other’s lives at risk just for a sweat session.

Another problem with prohibition: increased prices. The new members at Christina’s gym were charged a higher rate – which they gladly paid because they didn’t have any other options.

Of course, just reopening everything recklessly isn’t a solution, either. In Christina’s case, the fitness bros disappeared when gyms in her hometown of Tucson, Arizona, reopened, but when COVID-19 cases surged again, gyms closed, and the bros returned.

“It’s really messed up her workout routine,” the NPR article concludes. Sounds to us that Karens like Christina are stuck between a rock and a hard place (otherwise known as six-pack abs). We sympathize, and yet, did we mention the option of exercising outside?

Cover Photo: South_agency (Getty Images)

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